Sunday, 15 February 2015

Big Decisions

Sometimes we shy away from making big changes in life. We know deep down that things are not quite right. Whether it’s work, relationship, family, abode, the list goes on...

These are big decisions and complicated situations. That is the nature of adult life. There may be other people to consider. Financial considerations might limit our choices or the risks are too great to make changes. 

Sometimes it’s our discomfort with vulnerability that keeps us in a rut. We fear doing something different. We fear changing something that has become habitual and familiar, even if resented. We might attribute our fear to others – as in “what will my family or friends say?” but essentially, it is our fear.

In the therapy world, one frame for psychotherapy is based on the premise that when our environment is not sufficiently supportive at a particular life stage, we can hold the trauma incurred at that point (eg. accident, abuse, death of someone close), and, we can access the psychological and emotional pain years after the original trauma occurred

Un-healed trauma can become active later in our lives - either for resolution, or in an unhelpful way - when stress is high. Unresolved issues can keep us stuck in a rut and unable to overcome our own inertia. We'll feel as though we're incapable or undeserving of taking big steps and making bold moves - that our hearts and minds desire. 

There’s a piece at the core of therapy, called “inner child work”. It’s about examining the inner relationship – between ourselves at this adult juncture and our earlier "inner-child" part. The work concentrates on healing the child-part that might have suffered emotional and psychological trauma earlier in life. Therapy for such issues can be rewarding and life changing.

And sometimes there isn’t an identifiable event or obvious reason for our being “stuck”. We may just need to hear ourselves think and talk through our fears. The benefits of talking therapy are profound, and the rewards come at many levels. Once the inner relationship is healthy, all else follows.

Tom Evans is a father, hubby, writer, counsellor, and psychotherapist based in Midleton, Cork.
Call: 086 3375310